When trust turns into a digital shadow
Rachel thought her relationship was finally on solid ground. After two years together, she and her partner had moved in, merged phone plans, and shared a laptop. Then small things began to feel off. Her partner would mention a café she’d visited with a friend, or repeat a private joke she’d only texted about. At first she blamed coincidence. Then her phone battery started dying by midday, even when it just sat on the counter. One afternoon she opened her app list to clear storage and saw a icon she didn’t recognise — a blank square labelled “System Service” that didn’t belong. It was an anonymous phone tracker, hidden in plain sight.
The technical name for what Rachel found is stalkerware. It’s commercially available spy software that lets someone monitor your location, read messages, access photos, and even activate your microphone — all without a single notification. Unlike hacking tools used by governments, this software is sold openly (often marketed as “child monitoring” or “employee tracking”) and designed to be invisible once installed.
Why someone uses an anonymous tracker
Abusers don’t need much skill to deploy it. A few minutes of physical access to an unlocked phone is enough. Other methods rely on social engineering — a text that looks like a delivery update with a link, or a fake app shared during a “can you test this?” conversation. Eva Galperin, founder of the Coalition Against Stalkerware and a veteran cybersecurity director, has seen the same pattern again and again. “It’s often linked to the most violent cases,” she says. “Stalkerware gives someone almost total insight into your life, turning your own device into a wiretap and a tracking collar.”
Research backs that up. A Norton Labs study found a 63% jump in devices showing signs of stalkerware between September 2020 and May 2021, a rise researchers tied to lockdowns where partners had constant physical access to each other’s phones. The numbers haven’t dropped, because the software keeps evolving to dodge detection.
Subtle signs your phone may have a hidden tracker
Unlike a virus that pops up ads, anonymous trackers try to stay invisible. Still, they leave clues. Here’s what to watch for:
- Battery draining faster than usual — the spy app runs constantly in the background.
- Unexplained mobile data spikes — uploading your texts, photos, and location uses data.
- Phone randomly restarting or lighting up when it should be idle.
- Strange text messages containing symbols, gibberish links, or what look like verification codes you never asked for.
- Permission requests that seem out of place, like an unrelated app suddenly asking for microphone access.
- Feeling warm even when you haven’t been using it — a sign the processor is being overworked.
One sign alone might mean nothing. But a cluster of two or three of these, especially in a relationship where control or jealousy already exists, is a red flag.
Tier 1: Quick fix when you suspect something
The first move is to check your app list thoroughly. On Android, look in Settings > Apps (or “Application Manager”) and scan for anything generic like “Update Service,” “Device Health,” or apps with blank icons. On iPhone, stalkerware is harder to install without jailbreaking, but look for unfamiliar provisioning profiles under Settings > General > VPN & Device Management.
If you spot a suspicious app, don’t just hit uninstall — some use scare tactics, throwing up warnings like “Deleting this will erase important data” to make you hesitate. Push through. Even better, boot the phone into safe mode first (on most Androids, hold the power button then long-press “Power off” and tap “Reboot to safe mode”). Safe mode stops third-party apps from running, making removal easier.
Run a malware scan with a reputable tool like Malwarebytes, which now flags stalkerware as an active threat. Avast and Norton also detect it. The scan takes minutes and can confirm your suspicions.
“Survivors often come to us after finding an app but freezing in front of the delete button,” says Sam, a tech safety specialist at a digital abuse clinic. “The software relies on that fear. Deleting it is usually the first moment you take back control.”
Tier 2: Comprehensive cleanup if the tracker persists
A quick removal may not be enough. Some trackers bury themselves deep or reinstall if you’re still sharing an iCloud or Google account with the person who put it there. Here’s how to strip it out completely:
Factory reset your phone — but first, back up only the things you cannot lose (photos, contacts) to a secure, non-shared cloud or external drive. Do not restore a full system backup; that could bring the tracker right back. After the reset, set up the phone as a new device.
Change every password linked to your digital life — email, social media, cloud storage, banking apps. Use a password manager to create strong, unique passwords for each. Enable two-factor authentication (2FA) everywhere, preferably via an authenticator app, not SMS. If your abuser had access to your accounts, revoke all active sessions from the security settings of each platform.
Check linked devices: In Google and Apple accounts, you can see every device currently signed in. Remove anything you don’t recognise, and consider a new, separate Apple ID or Google account if you share one.
Tier 3: Long-term strategy to stop it happening again
Removing the software is only half the battle. The person who installed it may escalate when they lose access, so safety planning is critical. Work with a domestic violence advocate before you change everything — organisations like the National Domestic Violence Hotline can help you create a plan that keeps you safe during the transition.
Think about switching to a phone that isn’t linked to the household plan. A prepaid, clean device can become your private line while you sort things out. If you use the same Wi-Fi network, change the router password and admin credentials too; some trackers exploit shared networks to re-infect phones.
Legally, more places are closing the gap. Installing a tracker without consent can already be charged under wiretapping or stalking laws. France makes geo-tracking a partner punishable by up to a year in prison and fines of €45,000. Knowing this can strengthen your case if you decide to report.
Rachel managed to escape her situation by first confiding in a counsellor at her workplace. She factory-reset her phone, changed every account, and moved in with a friend while the worst of the fallout cooled. Two years later she still occasionally checks her app drawer out of habit, but she also knows that feeling of dread is temporary. For many survivors, rebuilding a sense of digital autonomy is the first real step toward freedom.